Friday, April 11, 2008

Vantage Point

I heard this story when I was much younger. It was meant to be a joke (it was funny to us geeks then, but now I take it more like a story). The movie "Vantage Point" reminds me of the joke.
I modified it a lot to make it sound more realistic. Here it goes.

Four men and two ladies arrived at the gate of heaven. The angel of at the gate asked them how they got there.

Man one: " I live on the ground floor of Missionary Rise of 3rd close. Tola came to my house this evening looking really worried. We discussed over a bottle on his worries. " I think Simi is cheating on me. She has been hanging around with Fisayo lately. I don't think it is good a newly wedded lady be found around a harlot" He said. "Don't say that" I replied and said without thinking "She was with Kunle (the finance guy) this morning". "WHAT? That B*tch? So she is still seeing her ex-boyfriend? What is wrong with ladies of today? I am going to kill that girl". I immediately rushed out in a bid to stop him (knowing the type of animal an ex-military man can become when provoked). He entered the lift and shut the door before I could stop him. Since he lives on the 5th floor, there was no need stopping him. I ran to the staircase but it was locked. Then the call came in. I had to rush back into my flat to take the call "This dude has lost it. You need to see this" I said and hung up. Out of options, I ran back out, stood by the balcony and just kept screaming "Tola" at the top of my voice. It was dark and I couldn't see so when but all I remember was something inaudible sound, a loud crash, before you know it, I find myself here."

Man 2: " I came back from work a bit early today. Not a very exciting day at work really. The boss had been stressing about the compliance report for a long time. I needed some facts to finish it off. So I called up Kunle (the accounts manager) who told me to follow meet him up at a party in Missionary Rise. On getting to there. I was not so shocked to see Kunle with his usual handbag (Taiwo); that means we are getting no work done. True to my word, Kunle was off. " I should be in downstairs. Taiwo & I are going to Kemi's flat, (which is right beneath).I should be back in a bit". Bored to my head I go to the balcony to hang out. "Taiwo would look good naked" I thought. I tried to peep into the kemi's flat by leaning over the balcony, hoping I would see something "NICE". FREAKS!. They were actually doing it right next to the balcony. I could see everything. And Taiwo was looking.... (let me spare the details). Suddenly, I heard someone scream "TOLA! TOLA!!!" Out of shock I tripped and fell. Luckily, the railings of Kemi's balcony was on my way. So I held on to it for my dear life. Suddenly, this huge man comes from no where and starts stepping on my fingers (hoping I fall off). The man was so filled with rage, that he grabbed something huge and slammed it on my head. That is all I remember".

Man 3: (stark naked): " Today, started. Taiwo kept telling me I need to come over to see her. She said she has something special to show me. I just flew back to town after the long conference on finance compliance. Everyone had been putting pressure on me; the 2008 audit was coming and everyone had to be up to scratch. She invited me over to her new flat on the 5th floor of Missionary Rise at 3rd close. For some reason, SHE WAS LOOKING HOTT!!!! "Let me show you something down stairs". Downstairs has dual meaning. I thought, with that sheepish grin. This dude with ill-fitting suit is calling again. "Yes. upstair". This dude should get a life. He comes in and starts blabbing about the compliance and process alignment. We will talk about that later; I really need to get laid now.I thought. After 2 minutes of chatting (and seeing that the silly man could not deduce from my hints), I interrupted his conversation by telling him I need to go to Kemi's flat. Before we entered, I pounced on her and started ripping her clothes apart. I have missed my baby purring at my manliness. It was sweet to touch her again. Suddenly, we heard knocks on the door. "KEMI OPEN THE DOOR!!!! YOU AND FISAYO WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE. AND THIS IS JUST THE FIRST MONTH OF MARRIAGE! I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN"!! The shock of hearing that made us trip and we fell together. Taiwo rushed to wear her clothes. The maniac batched the door opened. I hid behind the couch. Immediately, the guy saw her he grabbed her by the neck."WHY??!!!" He screamed into her face. Is there something I don't know? I was so frightened by the whole thing that I rushed into the fridge to hide. In no time I felt the fridge being lifted. After a heavy fall, I found myself here".

Man 4: "It has been hard to get a date. After my stint in the military kept a lot of girls from me when I moved back to countryside. I met a girl online called Simi. Darling beauty. We kept in touch for months before we finally met. She came to see me in December. On seeing her, I knew she was the one for me. She stayed over for two weeks. I actually proposed to her on the day she wanted to leave. She accepted on the condition her move to her area which was on 3rd Close (that is about two hours away from the Bridge). I finally accepted. We came over two weeks later and we got married. We moved over to 3rd Close after the wedding. We got a place on the 5th floor of Missionary Rise. The landlord (Jide) took a liking for me. We hit it off and became good friends. While trying to settle down in the house, I noticed she had pictures of herself and a guy called Kunle on which she wrote "the love of my life". I also saw pictures of a friend of hers Kemi and Fisayo. She always goes to see Kemi (who lives just beneath). I was so angered by that because those girl where single. They will make a b*tch out of my baby.
Tired and frustrated, I decide to hang out with last Jide night, when I got back home. He seems to agree that Simi was cheating on me. Although he didn't want to tell me outrightly. Then the word came out of his mouth "KUNLE". I rushed out of his flat. The lift to odd numbers was not working so I took the other one and stopped on the 4th floor. Dashed to the stairs but the door was locked. Struggling with the door I looked to my left and saw a jacket on the floor "This looks like Simi's". I remember clearly that was the blue jacket she wore on the first day we met. And it was right in front of Kemi's flat. I banged at the door. At first I didn't hear a sound. After a while I heard some shuffling. I banged opened the door to see my Simi naked. The pain was too much for me to bear so I strangled her to death. But where is the man. I thought I saw him a minute ago. "TOLA! TOLA!!" I heard Jide calling. I then saw the bastard hanging by the railings of the balcony. Jide is hinting me of where the f*cker was hiding I thought. I tried stepping on his feet but the guy had some strong grip. I looked for something to throw him off. Nothing seemed movable except the fridge which I carried and slammed on his head. The fridge pushed him down and he fell. But the fridge's wire caught my leg and pulled me along. That was how I fell, died and found myself here".

Lady 1:" I have been dating Kunle for about a year. He is the sexiest guy alive and I could not get my hands off him. He was away for about three months due to the conference he had. I had some other commitment so I was out of town for a while. Finally moved to the 5th floor of Missionary Rise on 3rd Close I wanted him to come and see me there and know that we "have arrived". This flat was massive with a whooping four rooms (getting such on high street is difficult these days). On seeing him, I wanted to rip him out and touch every part of his body. But i couldn't. Besides for decency sake, this geek kept standing around asking silly questions. " I should be in downstairs. Taiwo & I are going to Kemi's flat, (which is right beneath(Kunle pointed).I should be back in a bit". That was how we escaped. Getting down to it suddenly we heard a scream. Some man was shouting about what Kemi and Fisayo did. He banged opened the door and strangled me to death. That is how I got here".

Lady 2: " After my breakup with Folarin, I decided that men in this town where not good enough. So I went online and met a marine officer called Tola. He was huge. But very calm but he seemed to have a temper that he has successfully been able to control. We got married after sooner than normal and I forced him to move over to Missionary Rise. We got a spot on the 5th floor. Since the beginning of the week,I noticed there was something bothering him so I decided that maybe I should cheer him up with a small party. We locked the lift on the 5th floor and also all the fire exits (that led to the stair case). This is to prevent children from running out of the building because all their parents where in the party. We had intended to give Tola all the surprises so the plan was that Jide hangs out with him and brings him up later. When I called Jide and he said "This dude has lost it. You need to see this", I was petrified. So I rushed down stairs only to see a fridge on Jide with Tola on it and Kunle lying out of it (the fridge had burst open on impact). I was collapsed and that was how I got here".
"What was the surprise you wanted to show him?" The angel asked. "It is a secret I had always kept from him. I share everything with her. And people get us confused. We are identical twins. My name is Kehinde. People call me Simi".


Teclado e Mouse said...

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Mr C said...

Thanks teclado e mouse for dropping by. I will do that.

A hug to u too.

Debo said...

OMG - I almost peed myself - does anyone know the origins of this story - I could write a screnplay around this in a New York minute!!! LOL

Mr C said...

Lol. I don't know. I heard it a long time ago, Debo.
Really don't know how it sipped into my mind.